Month: January 2008

Alcohol causes homosexuality?

Well.  Maybe.  In fruit flies.  (Pun/slur not intended. Really.)
Science Daily[*1] :

Among the team’s discoveries is that male fruit flies, which typically court females, also actively court males when they are given a daily dose of ethanol. “We identified three molecules that are crucial for “ethanol-induced courtship disinhibition,” Han said.

Another reason not to drink a six-pack a day.  Or, maybe a reason to drink that six-pack every day.  I’m trying to be open-minded and diversity-oriented, here.

And, anyone who’s spent much time in a bar knows all about “ethanol-induced courtship disinhibition.”  This, of course usually but does not always result in being “shot down,” which is a major factor in “disappointment-induced ethanol disinhibition”.

Wasn’t this how Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy started?

Hmmm.  Didn’t I have a house here? (Yahoo News)[*1]

MOSCOW – Returning home after an absence can mean unpleasant surprises — a leaky roof, a pet’s mess, even a break-in. But a Russian woman got a nastier surprise when she returned from her country house: her home was gone, torn down mistakenly by construction workers clearing a site, according to a report Thursday on NTV television.

“There was nothing left, not even a log,” Lyudmila Martemyanova said, bundled against the cold and standing on a snow-covered lot in the center of the Volga River city of Nizhny Novgorod.

A local prosecutor, Nikolai Govorkov, said a construction company tore down the wrong building — Martemyanova’s, instead of one nearby that was marked for demolition.

In other news, there are canals and levees in Nevada

Who knew?

Kansas City Star:  Levee breaks in Nevada, 3,500 stranded[*1]

A canal levee ruptured early Saturday after heavy rainfall, pouring more than 3 feet of near-freezing water into about 800 homes and stranding about 3,500 people in their agricultural desert town, authorities said.

A 30-foot-long section of the Truckee Canal broke around 4 a.m. in Fernley, about 33 miles east of Reno, officials said. No injuries were reported.

Truckee River water flowing into the canal was diverted upstream and water in the canal was receding, said Ernie Schank, president of the Truckee-Carson Irrigation District.

The area had gotten snow plus heavy rain on Friday as a storm pummeled the West Coast, raising a threat of mud slides and flooding in California, blacking out thousands of customers and blanketing the Sierra Nevada range with deep snow.

Butt Foods. BUTT FOODS?!?

Yes, via Fark[*1] , and this one, from the U.K.’s Telegraph[*2] .  A story about bread bowls.  Yeah, bread bowls.

A Birmingham food firm has started making bowls and plates out of dough. The idea is that diners enjoy a soup, chilli or curry, then eat the bowl too.

David Williams, the managing director of Butt Foods, which has developed the idea, admits: “Our banks, our investors all thought we were crackers. But we’ve now proved them wrong.”

No, not crackers, Mr. Williams, bowls.  And plates. Maybe . . . BUNS!  Ha-HAH!!!  Oh-ho!  Hee-hee-hee!!!!

Taxonomy of the Helicopter Parent

BBC News[*1] (via Fark[*2] ):

The Agent . . . They operate like a footballer’s agent: fixing deals, arranging contracts, smoothing out local difficulties. . .

The Banker Accessible online, face-to-face or via a personal hotline, the Banker is unique in the world of financial services for charging no APR, asking few if any questions. . .

The White Knight . . . the White Knight parent appears at little to no notice to resolve awkward situations. . .

The Bodyguard The primary function of the Bodyguard is to protect the client from a range of embarrassing social situations . . .

The Black Hawk . . . unique among helicopter parents due to their willingness to go to any lengths – legal or illegal – to give their offspring a positional advantage over any competition. . .


Go to the link above to read the entire taxonomy.

Poopypants, again (from Dorky Gizzardfanny)

OK, here we go.  I got this (cut/pasted in its entirety) in my e-mail today:

Subject: RE: Dinky Pottychunks


MY NEW NAME IS IN THE SUBJECT.....DON'T LAUGH UNTIL YOU FIND OUT WHAT YOUR
NEW NAME IS!! 

We all need a little stress-reliever! This only takes a minute.

Please don't be a bore & ruin it. Send it on to everyone you know including
the person that sent it to you.

Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness to
break up the day. If we are honest, we have a lot more stressful days than
not.

Here is your dose of humor... 

A. Follow the instructions to find your new 
name.

B. Once you have your new name, put it in the 
subject box and forward it to friends and 
family & co-workers.

Don't for get to forward it back to the person who sent it to you 
so they know you participated. 

And don't go all adult - a senior manager is now known far & wide as Dorky
Gizzardsniffer!

The following is excerpted from a children's book, Captain Underpants And
the Perilous Plot Professor Poopypants, by Dave Pilkey, in which the evil
Professor forces everyone to assume new names... 

So:-

1. Use the third letter of your first name to 
determine your New first name:

a = snickle
b = doombah 
c = goober
d = cheesey
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = dumbo
h = farcus
i = dorky
j = doofus
k = funky
l = boobie
m = sleezy
n = sloopy
o = fluffy 
p = stinky
q = slimy
r = dorfus
s = snooty
t = tootsie
u = dipsy
v = sneezy
w = liver
x = skippy
y = dinky
z = zippy

2. Use the second letter of your middle name to determine the first half of
your new last name: 

a = dippin
b = feather
c = batty
d = burger
e = chicken
f = barffy
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = farkle
j = monkey
k = flippin
l = fricken
m = bubble
n = rhino
o = potty
p = hamster 
q = buckle
r = gizzard
s = lickin
t = snickle
u = chuckle
v = pickle
w = hubble
x = dingle
y = gorilla 
z = girdle

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of
your new last name: 

a = butt
b = boob
c = face
d = nose
e = hump
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = head
l = tush
m = chunks
n = dunkin
o = brains
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = doodle 
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = frack
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = hiney
z = juice

Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is: Fluffy Chucklefanny.

Now when you SEND THIS ON...use your new name as the subject. 

And remember that children laugh an average of 146 times a day; adults laugh
an average of 4 times a day.

You know, I don’t think I am under sufficient stress to warrant something like Dorky Gizzardfanny . . .

My lovely wife Snookums is, of course, Sloopy Dippinchunks, which my eyes insist on reading as Sloppy Dippinchunks . . .

Oh, and for future reference, George W. (Walker) Bush is Fluffy Dippinfanny, not Fluffy Chucklefanny (Unless, of course, you think his middle name is “Dubya”).

“Jesus, what a disaster”

Iowahawk hosts some Iowa Caucuses[*1] .  (Warning.  This account may not be completely, totally accurate in all respects.  Sorry for the language, too, by the way.)  An excerpt:

7:31 PM: Jesus, what a disaster. The Huckabee people are speaking in tongues and accusing the Romney people of believing in dinosaurs. The McCain people have invited the network news people for their caucus in the garage, and that *censored*ing Tim Russert has his lighting man standing on the hood of (Iowahawk Wife )Tammy’s Civic. I open up the garage door and shut off the garage power at the fuse box, figuring they’ll get cold and go away.

7:42 PM: As if things couldn’t get any worse, now the Democrats are coming upstairs to use the hall toilet because of the problem in the basement. The environmentalists only use one square of paper, and the others steal entire rolls. None of them wash their hands. I’m headed out on the deck to smoke another doob with the Thompson people, who seem to be the only sane ones here.

I’ve got a good idea that’s how this entire election year is gonna go . . . our country is in fact Doomed.  I think I’m gonna switch from Thompson to Obama.  That way I can turn my brain completely off, too.

On the one hand, Fred! On the other hand, Zogby

Captain’s Quarters[*1] :

Some CapQ readers have pointed to the latest numbers from Zogby[*2] in Iowa as a harbinger of a Fred Thompson surprise for tomorrow’s caucuses. In their daily tracking poll, conducted by traditional telephone surveys rather than on-line polls, Zogby shows a significant bump in support over the last three days — enough to tie Fred with John McCain for third place:

On the Republican side, Mitt Romney, the former governor of Massachusetts, gained a bit on Mike Huckabee, the former governor of Arkansas. Huckabee cumulative three-day tracking total equaled 28% support among likely Republican caucus–goers, while Romney moved up from 25% to 26% support. Arizona Sen. John McCain remained in third place at 12%, tied with former Tennessee Sen. Fred Thompson, who has seen a late-breaking surge. Among Democrats, 5% were yet undecided just three days ahead of the caucuses. Among Republicans, 6% were yet unsure.

Huckabee’s support spans all age groups, but he is particularly strong among voters under age 30.

. . .
And the biggest shame of that is that Thompson could still be the unity candidate. Given his track record on federalism, Thompson offered the complete conservative package — smaller government, lower taxes and spending, pro-life, hard as nails on terrorism and only slightly less so on immigration, and the ability to charge life into the Reagan alliance that supports these ideals. He has been remarkably consistent, and the only real detriment would be his lack of executive experience and his inability to put together a real campaign.

Of all of the people running for President, the only one I think I’d be truly comfortable with, knowing what I know about all of them right now, is Thompson.  He seems to be running on the platform of “the only person who should be President is someone who doesn’t really want the job.”  That in and of itself is enough to get my vote, for now.  Of course, I’m not in Iowa, or New Hampshire, or South Carolina, or any of the early caucus/primary states, so I might not get the chance.

Our political process is well and truly f**ked up.