Contributed by: filbert Thursday, May 28 2009 @ 10:50 AM CST
“Do you think sheep know when you’re pulling the wool over their eyes?”
“Obviously the only rational solution to your problem is suicide.”
“All extremists should be taken out and shot.”
“100,000 lemmings can’t be wrong.”
“Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep”
“I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather…. …Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car….”
“The gene pool could use a little chlorine.”
“Happiness is a belt-fed weapon”
“I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.”
“Your kid may be an honor student but you’re still an IDIOT!”
“It’s as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.”
“When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.”
“Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.”
“Friends don’t let Friends drive Naked.”
“Wink, I’ll do the rest!”
“I took an IQ test and the results were negative.”
“Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?”
“If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?”
“Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!”
“It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.”
“Reality? That’s where the pizza delivery guy comes from!”
“Forget about World Peace…..Visualize Using Your Turn Signal !”
“Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.”
“Give me ambiguity or give me something else.”
“We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.”
“Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.”
“He who laughs last thinks slowest.”
“Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.”
Poetry. Sheer poetry.